No Big Deal

One of the greatest burdens I have carried in my life (and perhaps you have too) is the belief that the present circumstances and conditions of our lives are a big deal, aka super-duper important to our basic wellbeing and peace of mind. (For example: “I need this audition to go well because it’s a really big deal for me that I become a professional actor in this lifetime.” Can you feel the stress embedded in such a statement?)

What is love but the energy that transforms what was previously viewed as a “big deal” into “no big deal”?

So much of our lives are spent running around doing this or that based on the stressful notion that the circumstances of our lives are a big deal. And we only believe that because our past denied us the love and acceptance that, if fully absorbed, would instantly reveal to us how our present-moment circumstances are no big deal and we’re actually totally, utterly okay just as we are.

Have you ever seen a little kid get really upset when their favorite toy breaks? They go insane with sadness or anger for a little bit before a caregiver offers them a hug and some loving words, and all of a sudden the little kid is totally fine and back to their joyful play? Let’s break down what’s happening here: the love that the caregiver offered helped the child shift their perspective from “it’s really a big-ass deal that my toy is broken” to “oh, wait, that shit was never a big-ass deal, like not even at all! I am loved!”

We are no different from that little kid. Just like them, we believe things to be a big deal because we don’t feel loved and accepted as we are. And if we offer ourselves love in the same way a caregiver offers a distraught child love, the love we offer gives us the space and permission to see the obvious: whatever we were perceiving as a big deal was never actually a big deal. That’s just how we were experiencing it in the absence of our own unconditional love and acceptance.

And if you are reading these words and are angered by them because your life circumstances are intolerable and it’s a huge fucking deal... I hear you, and you’re not wrong. Your life circumstances are a big-ass deal... until the auspicious, love-laden moment arrives when you directly experience that they aren’t.

To really feel the energy of this for yourself, I invite you to contemplate these words or read them out loud:

“May I offer myself love so sincerely and authentically that whatever I am currently perceiving to be a big deal is revealed to be no big deal.

May I be loved so deeply and truly that no circumstance has the power to make me believe that it’s a big deal.

Only love will show me that my current financial situation is no big deal. Only love will show me that my current relationship situation is no big deal. Only love will show me that my current work situation is no big deal. Only love will show me that my current health situation is no big deal. Only love will show me that my current ____________ situation is no big deal.

And may I be that love now.

And so I am free.”