OBEDIENCE AND THE ART OF LISTENING

Human beings, as a collective, have been deeply conditioned to conflate the art of open-hearted listening with the harshness of forced compliance.

Oftentimes, when someone claims that you are not listening to them, what they are actually communicating on a deeper level is, “you’re not obeying my demands that you be different in this moment in the ways that I’ve concluded you should be.”

It’s vital that we cultivate immense compassion for these innocent beings, especially in the midst of their forceful and harsh demands. They are not wrong for the way that their minds are confusing and conflating the inherently respectful energy of listening with the rather inconsiderate energy of forced obedience. That’s how they were programmed by the toxicity of their upbringing, and all human beings alive on this planet have been brought up in this dysfunctional way to one degree or another.

A potent medicine to this unfortunate and divisive pattern of relating is to get very, very clear within yourself about the difference between listening and obedience. As always, curiosity and questions are the best approach.

You can ask yourself: 

In my life, when is my listening being done half-heartedly, and only in the hopes that it somehow forces compliance in the one I claim to be listening to?

Are the people I wish to be different actually not listening, or are they just not being the way that I have decided that ought to be right now? Do I actually know that they are not listening, or are they just not obeying me?

You can also reflect on your own upbringing, which most assuredly included a healthy dose of this confusion, and ask: 

When was I forced to do something against my will by being harshly accused of “not listening”? (I work at a day care, and I can assure you this happens all of the time between teachers and students. Perhaps it happened to you, too.)

Be gentle with yourself in this exploration. There is a lot of charge around this subject. Questions, curiosity, and compassion are the cultural antidote to a world dominated by forced obedience and harsh compliance. May you be that antidote for yourself and others in whatever way feels best to you.